PETA reportedly suing Mike Krukow and the Giants over use of the term “Meat”

Will Mike Krukow (Right)  be forced to spare the pine for meat?

Will Mike Krukow (Right) be forced to spare the pine for meat?

In the first case of its kind, PETA is preparing to file a lawsuit asking a federal court to declare the repeated use of the term “meat” by Mike Krukow in violation of the Animal Welfare Act of 1966, according to a source close to the situation. The filing, which will allegedly name Mike Krukow and the San Francisco Giants as defendants, is based primarily on the language in section 2.131 of the act, which requires organizations to  “minimize discomfort, distress, and pain to the animals.”

“First, PETA believes that animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, use for entertainment, abuse in any way, or to use in the belittling or humiliation of a Major League Baseball player,” the source said. “Beyond that, PETA is of the belief that Krukow’s insensitive use of the word ‘meat’ degrades animals more than it insults a member of the opposition. This degradation, according to PETA, causes animals that become our meat to undergo considerable emotional distress, which is primarily driven by social embarrassment and outcasting.”

Still, admitting to the importance of an announcer’s strike-out call, our source tells us that PETA has offered a number of more humane alternatives to Krukow and the Giants. Should one of the suggested alternatives be chosen, PETA will promptly drop its lawsuit. The following is a partial list of PETA’s suggestions, as provided by our source:

  1. “Grab some pine, Termite.”
  2. “Grab some pine, Seitan.”
  3. “Grab some pine, Bean Curd.”
  4. “Grab some pine, Plant-Based Protein.”
  5. “Grab some pine, you two-toned libra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin’ paramecium brain.”

The source believes that PETA is very encouraged by the second suggestion on the aforementioned list. “They like the word play,” the source said. “Not only do you associate the opponent with the epitome of evil (Satan), but you also promote a burgeoning meat alternative (Seitan). For PETA, it’s a win-win.”

Unfortunately, neither the San Francisco Giants nor Mike Krukow have chosen to comment on the situation, but they might not need to. Should we hear an abrupt change in Krukow’s strike-out call, we’ll know whether PETA’s petition is a successful one.

 

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