Local man develops perfect offensive staff, but the 49ers refuse to listen

Don Taylor, pictured, seen practicing his presentation to a local improv theatre group

Don Taylor, pictured, seen practicing his presentation to a local improv theatre group

The San Francisco 49ers have been relatively slow to fill out their offensive staff. As a result, Palo Alto native Don Taylor has been on a mission to assist the team in doing just that. “I see this as an opportunity to help right the franchise,” Taylor, an unemployed father of three, told the Bay Area News Group. “Seizing this opportunity could be my greatest achievement.”

Taylor says he’s ready to hit the ground running, having already spent countless hours researching prospective candidates. “There are logistical kinks to iron out, but I suspect most of them could be fixed by throwing a little money at them,” Taylor said.

When asked about the specific staff he had in mind, Taylor was reticent, saying he didn’t want to give away his “intellectual property,” but he did say the staff would include former 49ers coaches, like Mike and Mike Holmgren, and some new up-and-comers, like Kyle Shanahan and Adam Gase.

“I’m certainly not going to go into what positions they would hold,” he noted. “In fact, the titles of these coaches are supremely important because everybody has egos, and it’s about paychecks and pay scale.

“But, I’ve been working with various scenarios — you know, this guy as [Offensive Coordinator]; this guy as this coach; this guy as an assistant — and I’m completely confident I’ve found the right mix.”

What makes him so confident? Well, according to Taylor, it’s just a gut feeling. “Listen,” he started, “I’ve been watching 49ers football since 1975, okay? I’ve got a great intuition about the game — just ask my wife. We’ll be watching the game, and I’ll be able to predict run plays and pass plays. She tells me all the time that I should’ve gotten into professional football. That’s just the kind of football mind I have, okay?

“But,” he continued, “I’m aware that some might be skeptical, so to prove that my staff has what it takes, I’m gonna give this little tease, and any true 49ers fan will know I’m the real mccoy, okay? You ready?

“Jerry Rice would be the team’s wide receiver coach, okay? Think about that.”

While we’re mulling over the possibility of Taylor’s staff, it’s not clear whether the 49ers are. Miller has sent dozens of certified letters to the 49ers, in addition to visiting team headquarters to make his case. The team, however, has yet to take a meeting with Taylor.

This is perhaps the most frustrating part for Taylor.

“It’s like I’m sitting on the winning lottery numbers,” Taylor said, “but nobody will let me buy a lottery ticket, okay? It is almost like the 49ers are not committed to winning Super Bowls. You know, I wish Eddie DeBartolo was still here because he would have taken my calls. Eddie would have definitely heard me out.”

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